Youth online dating
My parents, who’d hoped we would hold on to our culture, were like, “What did we do wrong?”After a while I began to ask that same question of myself.I asked a good friend who is mixed race, “How do I start dating black people?” She laughed at me: I was living in the artsy, mostly white Williamsburg section of Brooklyn, and she gently suggested I try hanging out in other places as a first step.From my first double date in sixth grade to a couple of women in college and various male “sleep friends” (a term my mom came up with because she finds f-ck buddy unsavory), none of my romantic encounters turned into a real relationship, despite my best efforts.I met one of those sleep friends at a bar during my twenty-seventh birthday party.Men answered messages from other women—Asian, white, Hispanic, everyone—with average reply rates between 42 and 50 percent. And then there was my own baggage: Up to age 25, my attempts at dating—and I say “attempts” because they weren’t working—had almost exclusively been with white folks (men and women; I’m queer).
The dating site, which I’d been on forever, had collected internal data on how much a user’s race affected the response rate she’d get after making the first contact.
When I read the results, all I could think was: Everybody hates black women! I remember looking around at the people in my all-white department and thinking, My God, no matter what I do to try to meet someone, at the end of the day, the main thing people see is that I’m black.
Their chart made it painfully clear: When a woman on the site sends a message, her likelihood of getting a response is much higher if she’s any race but black. The data made me feel hopeless about finding a partner.
Access and download teen dating violence information, curricula, strategies, and tools.
This training will take approximately 60 minutes to complete.